This Drifting Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the TV Disappointments of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television offerings of the recent year, a selection of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to justify its existence. For a moment, as the final series started, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final season. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s loo full of poo was simply too on-the-nose. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably wooden writing? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline spiteful? Let’s just say “each and every one” and forget about this show again. Except, a new season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the restraining orders, abuse claims and parental shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the get-go: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Shady characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a poster for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this documentary series opted not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It should have been the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you ask for? As contestants competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of famous cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from strangely jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We love the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who appeared to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was horrific imagery and zero interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.